Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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