Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
