i can't believe i had my finger in that
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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