when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
