Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
