..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
