dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
