Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
