Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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