Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
