You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
being pregnant is like rehab
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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