Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
