I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
