I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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