I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
