I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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