FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
