I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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