Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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