so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
