Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
