This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
