i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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