you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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