This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize