um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
