I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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