whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
