Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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