Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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