that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
