I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
