Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
