SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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