I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
