You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
