He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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