how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
