Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
