a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
