i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
