I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
