how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
