he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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