so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
