Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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