I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
