You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
