Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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