the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
