i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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