Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
