she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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