I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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