It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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