Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize