Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize