Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I won the penis lottery.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
