Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
