its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
