Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
