guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
