Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
