dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
