Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
