I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
