I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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