remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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