it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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