It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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