That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
this hospital has no fireball
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
