I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
smell my finger.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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