my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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