As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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