did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
