just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
