why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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