I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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