Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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