In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
