actually, I'm a sock model
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
