Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The struggles of a small town man whore
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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