When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
