I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
