So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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