apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
