oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
