I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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