Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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