there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
