You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
