She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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