Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
