i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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