Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
