let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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