we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize