Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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