yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
