you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am available for nakedness
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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