Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
