420 ftw
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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