ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
