Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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