I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
