There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
