Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
